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Posted: 2/6/2006 0:43
Last Updated: 12/13/2012 22:30

Duct Tape Boy's Adventures Through Time

Duct Tape Boy, of NoBrandCon and WestCon fame, is everyone's favorite discount superhero. This page is an attempt to reconstruct his amazing journey through time, to change history for the better.

To travel through time, Duct Tape Boy first broke into the UPN lot, and stole the props and sets from the now long cancelled Seven Days. We all thought he was crazy, and we tried to tell him that TV show props wouldn't really work for time travel. Duct Tape Boy just laughed though, as his sidekick Green Boy powered up the time sphere.

What happened then, none of us could guess. Apparently, Green Boy had brought along a large supply of ducks, and using the Duck
, they dramatically launched Duct Tape Boy back into time. We thought all had been done properly, but it turns out that Duct Tape Boy's enemy, Lord Masking Tape, had disturbed the calibrations - and rather than arriving straight at his destination, Duct Tape Boy was forced to bounce around Space, Time, and alternate universes before he could complete his mission.

This is the record of Duct Tape Boy's time travels, as reconstructed by technology here at the Amazing Justice Centre TM, we'd like to call SuperImageOgraphiciallystuff (Patent Pending).

That's not Frank Parker...
Duct Tape Boy Outside the Time Sphere

Jack Ruby?  Jack Shmuby.
Duct Tape Boy first ended up helping aprehend Lee Harvey Oswald. Sadly, Oswald got stuck to him, making Oswald an easy target for Jack Ruby.

Hanzo the Razor finds a new definition for 'Sticky'
Next, Duct Tape Boy ended up in Edo period Japan, and helped Itami Hanzo with an interrogation. Duct Tape Boy was quoted saying "Me Think He Like Nets Too Much"

OJ? No Way.  Duct Tape Boy Is Here To Stay
Duct Tape Boy then Helped OJ Simpson with a pesky murder trial. According to Duct Tape Boy, not only did OJ not do it, but he also could do a pretty mean moon walk. Duct Tape Boy said "One Glove Means Good Moon Walk". Whatever...

X-Men?  Shmecks-Men.
Duct Tape Boy then ended up in an alternate universe, where he helped the X-men stop the not pictured "Scotch Tape Person". Why not pictured? Can you imagine how gross someone with clear skin would look? Yeah. It makes me queasy too.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Duct Tape
Duct Tape Boy then ended up in another alternate universe, where he was forced to combat robotic ninjas. Well, mostly he let the giant turtles do that, but he gave moral support.

Immortal Wombat! Mortal Kombat! Your mom! Wearing Cheese!
Then, Duct Tape Boy was forced to fight for his very life in some twelve year old's copy of Mortal Kombat. After this, Duct Tape Boy was quoted as saying "Alternate Universes smell like rotten cheese, and suck just as much".
Yatta!  Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! I mean... Yalta! Yalta! Yalta! Yalta!
Duct Tape Boy then stumbled into the Yalta conference. Duct Tape Boy easily beat Stalin in Parcheesi, but lost to Churchill in Scrabble. Also, Russian soldiers checked out Duct Tape Boy's ass.

It's the Hindenberg Cookout! Mmmm... roasted bratwurst...
Finally, Duct Tape Boy was finally able to achieve his mission. Sadly, his mission was to "save" the Hindenberg from "not exploding." Oh, Duct Tape Boy, you're such a card...

Trae Dorn
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